How to be kind without losing my inner and outer voice.
I learned a lot of things from my mom, mostly from watching her live her life.
Carol Gugu Thusini aka uMama
My mom’s soft and calm demeanor has always been one of those things that I sometimes loved or sometimes hated [yes I did] funny because when I was younger all I ever wanted was be like her, this woman can give the shirt off her back to anyone. As a child, I remember our ? was always open for so many, we always had someone staying with us for one reason or the other. But as I grew older, I started to have feelings of resentment to the fact that she gives the shirt off her back to so many but me ? The confusing thing was seeing how she was not appreciated for her kindness – I guess I misunderstood being kind and having people be kind to you or that kindness is to be appreciated
The thing for me was I knew she was not happy because she never spoke about her feelings, she just kept a smile on her face and just carried on. As much I think that it’s good not to “that” person that complains all the time, I do also think that one’s kindness should not take away their voice. And when my mom started drinking, it just confirmed my suspicions of her being unhappy, she had reached a boiling point in life and in her marriage. But this also meant that she is drinking away her issues and as soon she was sober the issues are still there.
This was so hard for me, that I went from wanting to be like her to not ever wanting to be like her [too kind that you lose your voice] but I could never escape being kind,it’s in my blood. I spent my 20s trying to find a balance to staying kind but being able to toughen up when needed. At first, I thought to be aggressive means I am not like my mom, but it meant I was moving too far from who I am meant to be, which is kind and strong. With life’s experiences, I have learned the balance from kindness and standing up for myself without any aggression. From watching my mom, I decided to never assume that people know they are hurting me, but that it’s my responsibility to let them know I am hurting. I talk about my feelings, I do however wait for the right moment to address my feelings but kindness always takes center stage and… I have also learned that my voice does not always need to be heard.
But you know what? I might think, I have found my balance at this age but Jisele might probably not thinks so, the fact that I have a ? to ? conversation with most issues [some people just don’t like confrontation, good or bad] Which is perfectly fine, she might be 3 years now but she will grow into her own person. The best is seeing my mom has found her balance in life at her old age [don’t tell her I said she is old] Now does this make us perfect people? Ah…hell no! But we love each other with imperfections, we are family.
Thank you MaThusini for teaching me that it’s okay to be me, cause we all make a bad somebody else.
I ❤️ you mama
What have you learned from your mom?